I wrote this before I attended Oasis last weekend, so forgive the future tense – I am not going to edit it, but I’ll post my Vegas blog next week once I get to finish it!
I know I’ve been quiet – I’ve been struggling, again, unfortunately. Vee’s guest post was a lifesaver actually. My head isn’t in a great place. I’ve mostly been focusing on work and tackling personal things and luckily, both have been busy this time of year. I got a ton of comments on the Bratting Blog but primarily on other platforms and via direct message. Not so many comments here – that was a little unexpected but since my goal is to spark discussion, regardless of the location, I was happy anyway. It went better than I thought and I didn’t have anyone angry but a lot of people expressing that they felt similarly or had never considered that classification or approach to bratting. Another good distraction is that Oasis is next weekend and against my better judgement, I am going. I booked everything refundable but the time to cancel has come and gone. I didn’t sign up in advance for anything this year because of all the sadness and disappointment last year, and since the core friend group I used to spend a lot of time with at parties is basically shattered now, I am essentially going alone – literally and figuratively, Daniel can’t come with me because of childcare. I’m optimistic about connecting with plenty of other friends, but my anxiety is, unfortunately, in overdrive.
We also attended the Cheeky Spankos party last weekend which was actually really great but my husband got a headache and wanted to leave early so, disappointingly, I didn’t actually get to play with anyone I wanted to ask. I did get to talk to a bunch of new people including a few I’d known online for a while and was meeting in person for the first time. I also brought my ebony hairbrush collection which I will be posting about soon, and that was a fun conversation starter.
We had also been fostering a cutie patootie doggo so that’s put a damper on…activities. Not because there was anything wrong with him but because he had only become comfortable with being crated in the second week and we didn’t feel playing with him loose in the house was responsible.
Anyway, another way I’ve been distracting myself for more than a year now, is searching for what I call, The Holy Grail of the ebony hairbrushes. A large one, wider than average. I have my OG ebony brush, which I’ve mentioned in several posts. It was a gift from (Fireman)Chris many years ago and it’s very special to me. Ebony hairbrushes are the single most vibe-y implement for me and a fetish is nothing if not specific, so the look of them matters a great deal. So, I’ve been collecting (I cannot say casually because there’s nothing casual about it) various ones I’ve found on eBay and Etsy for the last year and a half or so, to find one I fell in love with. Why else have adult money, right? Then last week, the Holy Grain arrived. A chance find on Etsy, not cheap, shipped from the UK, but still a decent deal before you add in the crazy international shipping. It’s 3″ wide whereas most are 2-2.5″ wide and yes, that half an inch really makes a difference! It weighs 159g. I’ve found most others in a typical narrow oval shape weigh between 115-130g. It’s what I had been searching for, and I could finally say goodbye to the others I had collected. I took a photo to share on Fetlife, saying I’d sell them via a blog post. I got so many messages, that clearly I didn’t even get to using a blog to sell them. I still want to write about them, the differences, how to find one for yourself, etc.
Another reason I’ve been struggling lately is related to the situation I’ve only been able to vaguely speak about before now. Earlier this year a tense friend situation came to an explosive head. I’ve been falsely accused of vile things by someone with severe mental illness who is not receiving the professional support they should be, but I can no longer take on protecting them from their behavior. It’s no longer my job (it never was, really) to be silent, to protect their feelings, when they’ve gone out of their way to publicly attack my character and spread rumors about me. I thought it might eventually blow over, but I don’t think it will and I can’t continue to censor myself in the interests of people who do not care about my feelings or wellbeing. What does that mean? There’s a few blogs I’ve had in drafts for over a year now, and I am going to start rolling them out once I’ve edited them for privacy concerns. I still don’t think a tell-all would be appropriate – not because I have an interest in protecting this person, but because it just feels petty, and regardless of everything – that’s not who I am. However, I will no longer stop myself from sharing my own lived experiences in a way that works for me, just because they won’t like it. These are topics near and dear to my heart and soul and they’re things I’ve wanted to talk about for months.
Next up, a Vegas blog, a post about ebony hairbrushes, and of course, an August book round-up. In the meantime, I’m still fairly active on BlueSky and Fetlife. My Twitter is active but I am not accepting new followers to my locked account unless they are people I know personally.
-M
