A few days ago [reader, it was not a few days ago – this blog was started in March 2025 and I have only just not dusted it off and decided to get it posted], a friend asked me – regarding this spanking – “Did you hit that physically exhausted stage where you stopped fighting?” and it really made me think. This friend and I have talked a lot about this type of spanking (it’s a want/need/fantasy we share), and being pushed beyond the point of panic/knowing the spanker won’t stop until it’s enough. But what is enough? What does enough feel like? How do you know when it’s enough? I said I don’t experience that moment as physical exhaustion personally, but I do (and did) reach a point where I submit, let go, and stop fighting both physically and mentally. If anything, I’d describe it as an emotional exhaustion but I feel like description conjures up feeling tired, which isn’t accurate for me. Physical submission is much easier and usually comes earlier. That is the point at which many stop, but for me to truly let go, for there to be a chance of tears, this is the point at which I need the spanking to continue.
Continue reading “What Letting Go Feels Like”Tag: submission
In My Head
I promise, I haven’t abandoned this, even though I am not sure there’s anyone really here reading (jk, I know there are folks reading!). I am trying to remind myself that not every post has to be a perfect treatise on a given topic. It’s not like I am not thinking about spanking – I am, constantly, it feels like. Frankly, I feel 15 again with how at the forefront of my mind spanking is. But also, I missed this part of myself for so many years and I am glad it’s back. It doesn’t feel all-consuming, just…there. There in a way it hadn’t been for a while. There in a way that I feel like a more complete version of myself. I’m not thinking about it because I miss it and everything it brought to my life but rather because it feels like an integrated part of my being again. I know who this Marie is.
And this Marie is thinking a lot about what has become one of my favorite types of spankings over the years. When I began playing at 18 (well, we’ll go with that publicly) it was a lot of hand spanking and trying any/every thing. I was pretty open to experimentation, but I did always love hand spanking. Those early years when I was living in NYC and attending Paddles OTK nights (and MSA and SSNY parties) regularly, I was playing primarily with one person (whom I am lucky enough to still call a friend) and leather became the name of the game. The thing about leather, for me, is that I can generally take a lot of it. It was also the first way I was able to access submission.
Continue reading “In My Head”