A few days ago [reader, it was not a few days ago – this blog was started in March 2025 and I have only just not dusted it off and decided to get it posted], a friend asked me – regarding this spanking – “Did you hit that physically exhausted stage where you stopped fighting?” and it really made me think. This friend and I have talked a lot about this type of spanking (it’s a want/need/fantasy we share), and being pushed beyond the point of panic/knowing the spanker won’t stop until it’s enough. But what is enough? What does enough feel like? How do you know when it’s enough? I said I don’t experience that moment as physical exhaustion personally, but I do (and did) reach a point where I submit, let go, and stop fighting both physically and mentally. If anything, I’d describe it as an emotional exhaustion but I feel like description conjures up feeling tired, which isn’t accurate for me. Physical submission is much easier and usually comes earlier. That is the point at which many stop, but for me to truly let go, for there to be a chance of tears, this is the point at which I need the spanking to continue.
There is the squirming and kicking (or not, if your legs/wrist are pinned), the physical struggle – which I enjoy – and then there’s the realization as the spanking continues, that it hurts and it doesn’t seem like it’ll stop. There’s some begging and pleading. I’m prone to saying things like: “that hurts!” “you’re hurting me!” “please, stop!” “no no no” “no, stop” and for some tops, this gets to them. They will stop around this stage, or shortly after, that’s their comfort zone. It’s true for Daniel most of the time when giving me this kind of spanking. The thing is, as frustrating as feeling like it’s stopping too soon can feel, it has also allowed me to calibrate. I wasn’t sure what I’d need or what it would feel like, to get to the truly letting go point, until it actually happened, but I had a good idea of where I felt I needed to be pushed past, so I have been able to articulate that and it allowed the facilitation of that moment.
There is a quote, about how there are two kinds of tired. One is the kind that needs rest, and the other is the kind that needs peace. When I say a spanking like this is emotionally exhausting, draining even, I am referring to the kind of exhaustion that needs peace – and actually, the spanking is – somehow – that peace. For me, of course, it’s about the ebony hairbrush. I am sure I can get there with other implements (have, in fact, while being strapped/belted – but the tone felt different, even if the outcome was similar, for many reasons) but the closeness of being over a lap for the hairbrush, the targeted nature of it, going back and forth between cheeks, being able to use it fast enough without risking misplaced swats, etc. It’s this, being unable to get on top of the pain, that does it for me.
You see, I have a fairly high tolerance. I even like to play hard, I like being sore and marked, and even a spanking that is a challenge for me to get through. But there’s pacing involved. You can handle most things well if they’re spaced out over time compared to if there is a hard and fast pile on. I’d wager other smaller implements used fast like that could achieve the same thing, but alas, a fetish is nothing if not specific and for my headspace, it’s got to be the ebony hairbrush. I want it to be that. I want it to feel domestic, specific to me, smaller and closer and intimate.
The letting go is when I get to the point where I realize that no matter how much I beg, it will not stop. So it must be someone who truly won’t. This requires some sadism and I’ve talked about it before, in that same post I linked above. But for me, it’s a full acceptance of that fact, fully submitting to that lack of control, not so it’ll stop, but with the understanding that it won’t yet, but will eventually, and trusting the person to know when that is. There is a physical release here usually – when you stop fighting, not so much a relaxation but a giving up, and giving in. Emotionally, it feels like peace – chemically, it’s probably a fuck-ton of endorphins. Yes, the spanking hurts, but you’ve reached a euphoric point where you can accept it and submit to it.
Of course, there is actual physical exhaustion as well. The times I’ve gotten to play this intensely and headspacey and all, have drained me. I slept like a rock the night it happened and in one instance, I fell asleep during the post spanking cuddle, for nearly an hour! So did the top, even though he’d probably claim he didn’t.
The high from that sort of trust, intensity, and intimacy can last for a seriously long time and is better than any orgasm I’ve ever had, and it’s a high I’ve chased for most of my life – I’m lucky to have experienced it at all, and there’s a sliver of hope in me that I will someday again.
-M
