I have been “out” of the spanking community for the better part of five years as I went through pregnancy and being completely enveloped in the raising of a toddler into a child. Prior to my pregnancy, I thought about spanking constantly. I wanted it all the time. Pregnancy hormone shifts hit me intensely and killed my libido in every way. I had spent 10 years very active in the scene, attending local parties, national parties, munches, organizing events, even making spanking videos at one point.

After my daughter was born, I was genuinely scared it would never come back. We dabbled slowly and gently, occasionally, (my eternally patient husband, taking my lead) but I still didn’t think of it in the same way as I had before and I didn’t feel like myself. Although I don’t think of spanking as critical as food for me, it’s as much a part of me as being short or red headed or brown eyed. It makes me feel like me in the same way other traits do. I didn’t recognize myself without it but thought I’d have to get used to this version of me. Becoming a new parent can be an identity crisis in and of itself, but thinking I was losing my kink, nearly sent me over the edge. That said, I didn’t try very hard to reach out to scene friends – in fact, I pulled back. I lost touch. I felt I no longer knew those friends in the same way because I didn’t know myself.

Continue reading “Return of the …” →