There was a recent discussion on Fetlife about embarrassment and spanking. The person who posted the status that prompted it, said she had never felt embarrassed about a bare bottom spanking and, the real inspiration for this post here was this particular line, “I don’t really understand the embarrassment narrative.” The good news is, no one else has to get it or understand it, except maybe your spanking partner, if embarrassment works for you. That’s true of all facets of your kink!
Continue reading “Embarrassment in (as?) Kink”Category: Spanking
On Obedience (oh, and defiance!)
I’ve talked a lot about how bratting doesn’t work for me in my spanking play but that’s not to discount playfulness. I enjoy teasing my friends and loved ones simply as a display of affection, but what it lacks is provocation. The intent is not to manipulate the person into spanking me but rather, to connect with them. If someone I trusted wanted to whack me in that context, I’d be open to it. So why do I get spanked? Because I like it! I need it. It’s good for me. I am calmer, happier, and better regulated when I am being spanked regularly. I sleep better. I think all of this is true because being spanked makes me feel seen, cared for, loved, taken care of, safe. It’s not that I need it to function – it’s just so much nicer with it in my life. Uniform gives me access to discipline and the mindset/headspace it provides. Obedience is a big part of that uniform discipline but is also ever present, since I don’t only get spanked in uniform.
Continue reading “On Obedience (oh, and defiance!)”Types and Tones
Although the core of my spanking fetish is CP/discipline, I enjoy* a lot of different types of spankings. They feel differently but they also carry different tones and headspaces. I don’t know many spankos who enjoy only one kind of spanking but they do exist – I’ve left out directly sexual spanking here because it’s not a big part of how I prefer to play in general and tends to be reserved for specific moods and with my husband. That said, what people think of as sex or sexual can vary widely – for me, that usually means genital. I’ll be focusing on the primary ways I enjoy & prefer to engage with my spanking kink.
Continue reading “Types and Tones”An Ode to Hand Spanking
This post was inspired by Hermione’s recent Spanko Brunch post.
There is often a lot of talk about implements in the spanking scene – even I am guilty of this. Belts (straps) and hairbrushes can dominate my fantasies and can occasionally feel necessary for me to reach my desired post-spanking feeling/headspace. There is something heady about bending over and watching a partner remove their belt or fetch a strap they plan to thrash you with. Then there is act of being over someone’s lap and knowing you won’t be able to escape from the hairbrush in their hand. Sometimes, it’s all I can think about.
But there’s something better. Something even more favorite. Bare hand on bare bottom. Skin to skin. Many people argue that a hand spanking is not enough somehow, that it can’t be hard enough or long enough. One friend would tell you that’s just poor technique. Another would remind you that hands are, in fact, leather and bone, so hurt plenty. Given my own focus on physical intensity, I’d probably say a hand spanking from most people, is not enough for me in that regard. My husband’s hands are large and unlike many who work with computers most of the time, they are not delicate. His hand often feels like a paddle might, but it’s still his hand. I love them. Some hands are stingy, some are smaller and more targeted. There is so much variation in feeling and in how they can be used in terms of severity and also flexibility on place. A hand is much safer and more exact to use on soft bits than an implement.
With the right tone/headspace, being hand spanked can be more than enough to remind me that I am not in charge. That I am neither too big nor too old to be spanked like a little girl. Hand spanking is so childish but also so convenient in that sense. After all, someone always has their hands with them! And I’ve always got my bottom. Being pulled over a lap or bent over to have my bottom smacked by only (I hesitate to say “just” when it’s not “just” anything) a hand, captures that childish feeling and is a strong reminder of the control I’ve given to that person. When I am with someone who is so inclined, knowing they can whack me (lightly, playfully, firmly, sharply…) with their hand whenever they want, is affirming. It’s nice to know that and be aware of it.
I’ve certainly met people who can’t hand spank for long – again, poor technique – and it almost feels like there is a reliance on implements in that case. You know the hand spanking will eventually stop, because it has to, but if someone with good technique and a lot of experience is spanking me, I don’t quite know when it’ll end, because their hand is enough, and anything else would be an add-on. Not always of course, sometimes, in certain moods and a specific headspace, a certain implement might feel really necessary – but most of the time, bare hand on bare bottom is exactly right.
It feels like the most personal, intimate, and connecting way to be spanked. I’ve been caught up for a long time in physical intensity and how to get there (usually a leather strap, for me) that it’s been easy to lose sight of this. I have been reminded more recently that a hand spanking can feel like a conversation and only further deepen a connection. That I can either be spanked to sleep with a hand or to tears, is a wonderful thing. There’s nothing else like that.
Plus, without an implement in the way, this leaves a spankers hand more easily available for more than just spanking.
-M
Uniform, Role-play, and Stepping out of My Comfort Zone
I’ve mentioned uniforms in all three of my posts so far (and my story!), but if you have known me during my time in the scene, my previous blogging, even my video work, that would probably surprise you. It surprised me, too! Well, sort of. I think what surprised me was my willingness to say it out loud and acknowledge it. I always maintained that I wasn’t into uniforms. After all, I wasn’t into role-play, didn’t like it, and what other purpose could they serve? School girl uniforms are ubiquitous in the spanking community. You’ll see a version of them everywhere – there are hundreds of videos featuring school girl uniforms from the suggestive, to the more-or-less realistic variety (though rare is a proper, formal, regulation uniform in a spanking video or even in the immersive role play events). The tone tends suggestive – we are talking about sexy schoolgirls here. Cute school girls. Skirts can be pink or purple, shirts are probably still white, knee socks may be rainbow, and the shoes likely have a heel. Fairly consistent are the pigtails – usually ponytails but sometimes braids.
This version of a uniform, does not appeal to me. It feels like a costume and to me, a costume means pretending to be someone else, or acting. In other words, it’s role-play and I truly have never been able to wrap my head around role-play. I understand for some people it’s a powerful venture into fantasy, but I feel most comfortable playing as myself. I have plenty of fantasies, of course, but they more often have to do with tone and how I feel after a spanking, than assuming a role during a spanking. Thus, I always found it easy to say it wasn’t my thing because the only context I had, genuinely wasn’t. I didn’t quite have the language to talk about my relationship to discipline and the importance of clothing (as briefly mentioned in my previous post) to that. Could I imagine a specific outfit worn for punishment or discipline? Yes – but to me, that was usually just a simple t-shirt or pajamas, white panties; or more striking – something very formal, a conservative and modest dress perhaps – the common denominator being that it was specific and decided in advance. The formality of specific clothing being tied to discipline had always been there, I just didn’t have the vocabulary or context to talk about it.
Continue reading “Uniform, Role-play, and Stepping out of My Comfort Zone”
This is Not a Spanking Blog (jk it is) 