Types and Tones

Although the core of my spanking fetish is CP/discipline, I enjoy* a lot of different types of spankings. They feel differently but they also carry different tones and headspaces. I don’t know many spankos who enjoy only one kind of spanking but they do exist – I’ve left out directly sexual spanking here because it’s not a big part of how I prefer to play in general and tends to be reserved for specific moods and with my husband. That said, what people think of as sex or sexual can vary widely – for me, that usually means genital. I’ll be focusing on the primary ways I enjoy & prefer to engage with my spanking kink.

I rarely enjoy being spanked lightly/softly (because I have quite sensitive skin and it’s ticklish!) but a gentler more nurturing spanking – like a bedtime spanking – is high on the list. These tend to be firm but not overly hard. They send you to sleep warm but not achey – maybe they reignite the soreness from a spanking earlier in the day. They don’t need to be endured and I don’t really mind the stinging smacks, they make me feel loved and cared for; seen. Just hard enough to be reminded I’m not too far from any kind of spanking. Lots of lotion and cuddles to follow. I have actually fallen asleep during a bedtime spanking before after a long day at a national spanking party. That’s unusual – and to me, better is to fall asleep or doze off quietly while being held or read to or tucked in, after.

I sometimes crave physically intense spankings, the kind that make it difficult to sit down after. Something I’ll feel for days with a deep bruisey ache. A thrashing or a walloping. Maybe even a beating. Sometimes these are for my spankers enjoyment – because they want to hurt me and I want them to, want to take it, for it to please them. Sometimes it’s because I need the physical intensity for release or simply because it would be good for me. A formal caning or tawsing – these are meant, in a way, to be endured. Hold position, keep my feet down, possibly count. Walloped with a hairbrush until I’m not fighting anymore – until I’ve given in or let go. The giving up control is the release here. It might be, but isn’t always, a conversation. The reminder that I don’t get to choose when it ends and it doesn’t matter if I promise to be a good girl, because this spanking has nothing to do with behavior and everything to do with need. Mine or the other persons.

Disciplinary spankings also rarely have anything to do with behavior and are about submitting to structure and discipline simply because it’s a good thing and good for me. These are the uniform discipline situations (and sometimes without uniform!) I’ve described – here, the spanking is a part of a whole. It can vary from a firm handspanking to a thrashing with the tawse or a very formal caning. Maybe even an OTK hairbrush spanking. The point is, the spanking is important but it doesn’t stand alone here, the other things are important for the headspace and tone, and usually the spanking doesn’t need to be hard. It can be, sometimes it should be, but it doesn’t have to. Sometimes, I feel like a spanking has to be hard. That’s where my head is at, where my need is. With discipline, it’s more about being seen, obedient, and giving up control than just the physical impact.

Then there’s what a lot of people call maintenance spankings. A good friend shared a piece of writing with me once (that is no longer online) that refers to them as regulars. A quote from that piece, that used to live on Casey Damn Morgan’s website, which blended fantasy and reality and was written by herself and her partner, (a much missed member of the spanking community – she took herself offline many years ago), “Regulars are a key part of this process. They’re a means of divorcing discipline from punishment. A Regular is exactly what it says – a whacking given regularly, rather than in response to a specific piece of behaviour on the kid’s part.” Of course, we aren’t talking about kids but so much of kink for me draws on childhood, so this language works for me. A weekly check-in, if you will. Sometimes a reinforcement, sometimes a reassurance. A small reminder that the benefits of whacking are broad.

Of course, there are sillier and playful spankings, smacks on the fly, and more lighthearted whacking – those are all just as important and affirming in an entirely different way. They make me feel cared for and loved, attractive to my partner and tell me that they see me that way, as someone worth smacking, and that is a nice feeling.

*Enjoy is a complicated concept. I like being spanked. I’d find it difficult to deny some level of masochism in relation to spanking (I don’t feel the same about other pain I experience), but a significant part of it for me is obedience and giving up control and short of things that are hard limits, I don’t have to like it or enjoy it in the moment. I’ve talked about ebony hairbrushes a lot, but have you ever felt one? They hurt. A lot. Even when used lightly, they are dense and heavy and stingy. I don’t enjoy the ebony hairbrush in the sense that I like how it feels – but I like how it makes me feel. Which is: chastised, little, not in control, and frankly, the fact that they hurt so much and I can’t really endure it and have to submit, is good for me. It gets into my head and tickles my brain in just the right way. While it’s being used, I am going to complain, beg, whine, and struggle. That’s good for me, too. The freedom to not like it and know it’s going to happen anyway, is right there at the core for me. I want it, I want the way it makes me feel, I want the marks it’ll leave, I want the closeness and intimacy it brings out with the person spanking me. I need and deserve all of that – and not for any other reason than it’s good for me and it works.

And I’ll probably enjoy it later as I replay it in my head, over and over again.

-M