Where oh where have I been?

I am here! My last post was kind of a lot, so I wanted to give it some space, and also, last week was very busy for me! My kiddo was on spring break so there was a bit less school and childcare than usual. Monday I had a work event so I had to be in the city overnight – it was a nice break away by myself, though! Spend time with family later in the week, met a new (but known-online) spanko friend on Friday, which lead into a busy weekend which lead into this week. My husband’s 40th birthday week with the most epic surprise I’ve ever pulled off. I flew his parents in from Germany without him knowing and we picked them up Tuesday. Birthday dinner Wednesday night, of course, all amidst work and parenting. They’re truly lovely though, so I am pleased to have them here.

It has been decidedly NOT very kinky though. I did get him – in addition to his parents – a Hanks Belt for uh…you know, keeping his jeans up! I went with The Everyday Belt in Oak – it’s really lovely and heavy and looks great on. We shall test it out this weekend at the Cheeky Spankos party. I also got him a bottle of Highland Park 12Y whisky because we tried it on our cruise and really enjoyed it. It’s been a really lovely week.

I know I have comments to reply to on my last post – I’ll get to it. This week has also been a bit heavy with my mom as well.

-M

Trust, Vulnerability, Childhood Trauma…and Kink?

This is a very personal post. It’s a deep dive into my head, my history, some of the things that have shaped me, and is about me figuring it all out. I started writing it on January 14, 2025, in the midst of some deep emotional pain, some of which I am still navigating. I’ve revised it over 30 times before finally posting and WordPress tells me it is 4129 words long. I mention some of the childhood abuse I experienced in this post, including physical, psychological, and sexual abuse – so a word of caution for those who may be sensitive to such subjects.

Please know, you don’t have to read this – you really don’t, but if you do, and you decide to comment, please be kind.

Why do we bother?

This is a question I’ve had for myself for a few months now. I’ve am fairly sure I have mentioned this on this blog before, but haven’t told the true and full backstory of where it came from, and I think now is the time: since I was 19 years old, I pigeon-holed my kink. I stuck to the most familiar, easiest (for me to access without much vulnerability), and most straight forward manifestation of what I held inside (fairly straight forward anyway: daddy-thing, rarely real-life, physical intensity, etc). I did this for a few reasons, but the primary one was that I didn’t trust myself. I didn’t think I was safe. I didn’t think I was the kind of person who could be trusted to try new things – especially deep seated and vulnerable ones – and handle it, that if something went wrong, I’d overreact or react badly. In order to trust someone else to do these things with, you must first trust and believe in yourself. I didn’t.

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Fiction: On The Set, Ch 1 – The Emma Emergency

This story isn’t by me! It’s by my good friend, Haley Brimley. Haley is one of the first spanking story authors I found back in the day and he used to host his own story website and forum called “Down in The Den” – he was also sporadically active on the old SSS Usenet group. Haley and I have been friends for…like, literally a million years, and I recently asked if I could archive my favorite story series of his, on my blog. He is primarily known for his “Haley + Christy” series, but On The Set was my first ever fanfic and Snape fanfic is pretty much the only stuff I enjoy now – see my kink resources to links to two Snape/Harry ones on AO3 that I love. However…this is *actually* an Alan Rickman & Emma Watson HP based fanfic. It was written with Tia O’Connell, who he hasn’t heard from in many years. I will include his own authors note, as well. If you like the story, you can leave a comment here for him, or shoot him an email.

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