I have had this drafted for over a week, scheduled to post. I am obviously still going to since you’re reading this, but it will likely be my last post for a while. That’s not what I intended for 2025, but I need to take a step back from kink to process some personal difficulty and I would find it hard to write here, with how I am feeling. I may still be active on BlueSky and Twitter.
I got an anonymous question via my NGL link a few weeks ago that asked the following: “Is spanking sexual for you and sexually arousing, or is it your sexuality like Jillian Keenan?”
My response, via BlueSky, was as follows – and I am expanding on it a bit here because it was rather concise due to the format, but you can read the original thread if you click above. It would be easy to get lost in this topic though, so I only plan to expand a bit.
Well. Spanking is a sexual fetish (how that works for asexual or sex repulsed people, I understand is complicated, but I can’t speak to it personally) and spanking can be sexually arousing for me, yes. To ultra simplify it, for me: all sex is spanking, but not all spanking is sex. But some spanking is sex.
Usually, spanking on its own is enough for me. It’s an arousal (this may not be the best word, but it works) entirely contained within my head and there is no genital involvement. I am completely satisfied and that feeling lingers. I’d say the core of my spanking fetish manifests in a way that is not conventionally sexual.
What do I mean by that? I think it would be hard to argue that spanking even without involving genitals (penises and vaginas and the clitoris) isn’t sex in many cases. It’s physically close, intimate, personal, involves intimate physical touch, creates connection, sometimes intensely so. Sounds like sex to me! Not always. Not casually. But it can be. I’ve stopped trying to argue “but I’m not having sex with them” when I talk about spanking play with other people to vanilla friends because frankly, sometimes it’s no different and it’s ok if it is sex. Other times it’s about good friendship connection. Casual play at a party (which I haven’t done in something like 6+ years) is akin to hanging out and chatting with friends – just one more thing you do to get to know someone, etc.
If I had to pick one or the other – conventional sex (even with spanking) or spanking by itself, spanking would win every time. There is also for me, a direct correlation between my desire for more sexual play or even orgasm, and how often I am being spanked. The more I am being spanked, the less I fantasize about or want anything more conventionally sexual.
So, spanking is my sexuality, sexuality is complicated, and spanking is also so much more than my sexuality. Spanking is how I connect with people on a basic level. It’s a part of what makes me whole.
-M
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