Fiction: What Didn’t Happen Last Night

This was originally written (and posted on my previous blog) October 4, 2009, the day after the (now defunct) OTK Night at Paddles, in NYC (a BDSM club that had a small cafe area with booths and seating but was rather dark with few private areas). I was a regular attendee from 2007-2013ish and even organized the pre-event Munch for a year or so. I was unhappy that a friend had to leave a bit earlier that night. This was someone with whom I had a very parental disciplinary dynamic with at the time – my first and so far, only, experience with something like that. Anyway, my best writing tends to come in bursts – emotionally charged, can’t get it out of my head fast enough, just need to write it down and get it out – vs planning and taking my time. This was no different. It’s not long, but it captures the feeling.

At the time, I was nearly 21 so this was 15 years ago. I think the biggest theme here is something I’ve explored since (personally, not in fiction) which is the idea that someone can see me at my sort of “worst” – my emotional worst, that is – big feelings, insecurity, etc. and be ok with it. That they won’t abandon me or change how they feel – they will simply…deal with it and continue loving/caring about me. This person very much did that for me at the time, which is I am sure what inspired this.

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R/L: Playing With Others, New Friends, and Beating

I’ve written before about how my husband is supportive of me playing with other people, because there are just ways in which he doesn’t want to play or his kink doesn’t manifest. So how does that work? It used to primarily be casually at parties which is basically semi-public play. After we met, I only played with one other person privately until fairly recently – mostly because of circumstances (privacy, timing, pregnancy, COVID, etc). It was also important that we have a strong foundation and he wasn’t as comfortable, early on. Playing with friends I’ve known for years, that he also knows, is much simpler. It feels like an extension of that friendship. But how about new-new people?

This past fall, I connected with someone locally who I had seen around on Fetlife for years, who I thought I might jive with – his name is Pat (and I share that with his permission – anytime I write about someone by name, I’ve had their explicit permission). We chatted a lot, I told my husband about him, and he and I set up a coffee date. That went well and we both wanted to play. Because I would be inviting this person into our home, Daniel wanted to meet him – completely fair! I have to admit, I was a little annoyed at first – not because I didn’t want them to meet, but because it required me facilitating it. My husband doesn’t really socialize in the scene online or attend many events, so he won’t meet people as organically as I do – this is unlikely to change, so this is the compromise/agreement.

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The January Book Round Up

This one isn’t about spanking…is that ok? You’ll have to let me know.

Happy Monday. I am avoiding work. Sort of.

I read 10 books in January, finishing 9 and 10 on January 31, when I took the day off for my mental health. Last year I fell behind on my reading and closed 2024 having read just 37 books compared to a clean 100 in 2023 and 92 in 2022. This year, I set a more modest goal of 50 and hope to surpass it. I have always been an avid reader and my undergrad was part of a self-designed degree program and titled “World Literatures” that allowed me to take classes at multiple colleges and across any department.

Anyway, January 2025 was an absolute shit month – not to mention LONG, too cold, with too much snow – but I read 10 books which is a great start to the year for me. I listen to a lot of audiobooks since moving out of the city because I spend so much dang time in the car, but I also read physical books and ebooks on occasion. I also purchase physical copies of my most loved books. I don’t actually read a ton of romance or fantasy. My particular favorite genre is historical fiction – especially WW2 novels, and then literary fiction with a focus on post-colonial lit. I try and read as few white men as possible. Alas, this month, two snuck in *wink*.

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