R/L: Asking to Be Punished

A more vulnerable post, let’s see how it goes. This is from pre-Vegas because I am still unsure about sharing those posts – but they’re written.

There is room in my kink for real-life punishment. It’s rare (feeling necessary perhaps a few times per year, at the most) but it’s there. My husband and I don’t have a “typical” (heavy on the air quotes there on typical) domestic discipline relationship because we don’t use spanking as a part of our relationship in the way most people think of when they think of DD. There are no rules or expectations in our relationship or house that when fallen short of, result in a spanking. There is no formal kink dynamic here. The times punishment feels necessary or helpful, usually it comes from me. It’s something I feel I’ve fallen short of, an expectation of or for myself, or a mistake/behavior I can’t move past and because of the role of spanking in my life – it helps. Spanking is how I access vulnerable parts of me; it can be one way to access and let go of some Big Feelings, and that’s how it’s used in these moments. I can give the moment over to this kind of discipline and move past it.

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Checking In

I know I wrote a few weeks ago, that I’d like to write about my time in Las Vegas – but I may hold off on that for a while. The unfortunate reality is that I contracted COVID earlier in the week when I arrived to Vegas for a friends wedding, very sadly missed the wedding, got Paxlovid, and hoped to test negative to be able to attend the party with my friends. I did test negative on Friday (and Saturday), but I also was not allowed to attend the party. I was at the party hotel, in a party block of rooms, but wasn’t allowed to attend party events. I was pretty devastated by this and remain upset about it, but I probably won’t be saying anything else on the topic publicly.

My friends took very good care of me, but a lot of people attending the party who saw me in public spaces made a point of avoiding me and it was an emotionally difficult weekend for me. Although the weekend was difficult for a lot of complex reasons and I had a pretty hard time, it wasn’t a bad weekend. Overall, it was pretty great. I got spanked a few times (and did a few new things!), had a fun movie night with some friends and got to spend time with others. I met some folks in person for the first time after chatting online for months. I would like to write about some of that play, but we’ll see.

After I got home, a week after testing negative, I tested positive with rebound COVID and had to isolate from my husband and daughter. Then near the end of September, I left on a week-long cruise that I had been planning for a year, so the last month has been very full. I’ve got a lot in my head and we’ll just have to see what I feel comfortable getting out of it.

-M

Adult Uniform Collection

Someone recently asked me about my uniform collection and my favorites. The way I do uniform with Paul, isn’t so much about what I like or want (which makes it discipline, obvs.) but I do enjoy it of course (acknowledging yet again that enjoy is complicated). I don’t wear them otherwise, because it’s not about the typical naughty school girl role-play, and that’s what most people want.

So, my favorite is whatever he wants me to wear and will enjoy seeing me in – though I do have versions that I particularly like! I like the way the pleats of a kilt look more than a box pleat skirt, for example. I love my gymslip but getting my tie flat under and the sash right are added details. It’s a uniform, not a dress, but it’s not the most…flattering? item of clothing I own. There’s a part of me that loves that it is practical and functional and so very clearly uniform, and still looks cute without being about how flattering it is (and of corse, flattering is subjective because Paul loves the gymslip). It is not meant to be fashion – it’s meant to be uniform. It also makes me feel more like a child than any of my other uniform pieces, which…is certainly a thing.

Anyway. Finding uniform items in adult sizes was something I thought would be very difficult. It took some work but wasn’t impossible, so I’ll share here what I have and links where I can. These are not affiliate links, just me sharing. I am an adult women’s 2X or US 18/20/22, with a 44-46” bust and very wide hips and I have found options at all of these that fit me well, not just passably.

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