Tag: reality

Missing a Piece of Myself

please keep taking leaps of faith that make people say “that’s a bold move.” it’s part of your lore.

photo above is from @case.kenny on Instagram

What do you do when your kink goes from feeling like the fundamental piece of the puzzle to your sense of self, the piece that pulls everything together and makes you feel whole, to feeling like you can’t grasp it no matter how hard you try? The puzzle piece isn’t lost forever, of course – it’s too fundamental – but you can’t see it through the mess. The hardest part is it feels as much of a need as ever, but it’s not there. It feels broken. I feel broken.

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Spanking as Sexuality

I have had this drafted for over a week, scheduled to post. I am obviously still going to since you’re reading this, but it will likely be my last post for a while. That’s not what I intended for 2025, but I need to take a step back from kink to process some personal difficulty and I would find it hard to write here, with how I am feeling. I may still be active on BlueSky and Twitter.

I got an anonymous question via my NGL link a few weeks ago that asked the following: “Is spanking sexual for you and sexually arousing, or is it your sexuality like Jillian Keenan?”

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R/L: When Fantasy Meets Reality – making it work!

[I started this several months ago and am finishing it off now and posting it. I also want to say, I talk a lot about the do-ability of a spanking over a lap on a chair in this post, and I got to do a fair amount of this recently, and have to say…it actually worked quite well. Physically demanding, yes, but it worked better than I expected!]

For many of us, (us being spankos) we have a core fantasy that has been present in our minds since childhood. Sometimes it’s a recurring scenario or a specific tone, headspace, or implement. I’ve already written about my primary core fantasy, as a fiction, and a bit in general. Early on it was a very parental, disciplinary style spanking with a hand and hairbrush, though I’ve always struggled to identify the reason for the spanking. Likely because I never really did anything in my childhood that would have realistically earned something like that – I am not being coy, I was terrified of being in trouble! The best I can come up with is perhaps losing my temper or procrastination (funny enough, still relevant). Once I was older, I wrapped my head around the concept of it just being good for me, but that took a while. There are a few others – bending over a bed/couch arm/chair in jeans for the belt, a hard hand spanking at bedtime in pajamas, and more.

What I have been thinking a lot about for a while, is when those fantasies, especially those closely held and for a long time, have a chance to become reality. Can any fantasy truly become reality? Are they translatable? I think a feeling, or tone, definitely can be. The logistics can sometimes be tricky. Wanting to feel small, not in control, seen, a little embarrassed – with the right person, the right level of trust, and the opportunity, these feel very possible. Unsupported OTK on a chair for a spanking that I physically fight a bit in which I end up limp and crying? Far less likely. Can I go over a lap on a chair? Yes, and reasonably comfortably, too! Unsupported OTK of the variety that is often fantasized about with feet dangling and hands on the floor (or also dangling!) can be really hard on the upper body. I’m not 18 anymore and I am not a small person! Even for someone younger or smaller, it can be a lot on the upper body/back. With some people, it wouldn’t physically be possible with my body type, but it is doable.

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