Fiction: Lending a Hand to Disobedience (Part 1)

A long held fantasy, as a dream…

Orgasm control or having to ask permission to touch myself, and being “punished” with spanking, is a deep and long held fantasy of mine. It’s also the first non-spanko thing my husband and I connected on. We’ve had an “orange socks” rule about asking permission, just about since we met. That means, I have to ask him permission to touch myself or orgasm, but it’s not a “real” rule in that there are real-world implications for breaking it. But “breaking” it is between us, a way to set a tone and headspace for some discipline oriented play, for me to express submission and service. More intense orgasm control is definitely in my head, as well, and often comes back to my desire to please, serve, submit.

I rarely dream about these things – usually only spanking, but like I said in my last post, I have been reconciling different aspects of my kink and how they mesh (or don’t) together. The male tops/spankers in my dreams are usually, historically, unidentifiable. Not that they are anonymous or masked, but I don’t see their face in the dream, my “view” or perspective is from the side or behind, watching, so I can see myself but never the top. They’re more of an idea or concept, embodying the feeling of the scenario and blending the voices of those I have played with or talked about playing with.

I haven’t been having many spanking dreams lately, and even before, most of them were the same classic hard OTK spanking they always are, with some slight variations. I started 2025 off with a bang though, with this one. Apparently my NYE champagne was inspiring and I woke up on the first of the year having to contend with this.

This dream melds together some vague real-life scenarios (like being sent to bed & the idea of being caught touching myself which has happened…uh, a few times in RL with Daniel!) and fantasized about ones, such as a bedtime spanking that instead of being cozy, is hard because I was cheeky and earned it, thigh smacking on its own, uniform being a part of discipline, etc. It’s not about a specific person or real-life event, but it’s one of those that could happen, that I’d even like to happen, someday, even. The writing is more colloquial but I wanted it to feel more like how I did when I wrote it, like I was sharing it with a friend. But this is me, again, reconciling these different aspects of my kink with each other – how can they fit together? Will the fitting together work for me? What parts?

I hope you enjoy this sharing of my dream, as much as I enjoyed the dream itself. I woke up a bit confused, but content. Dreams have a surrealist feel to them, so I’ve embellished in parts, of course.

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Fiction: What Didn’t Happen Last Night

This was originally written (and posted on my previous blog) October 4, 2009, the day after the (now defunct) OTK Night at Paddles, in NYC (a BDSM club that had a small cafe area with booths and seating but was rather dark with few private areas). I was a regular attendee from 2007-2013ish and even organized the pre-event Munch for a year or so. I was unhappy that a friend had to leave a bit earlier that night. This was someone with whom I had a very parental disciplinary dynamic with at the time – my first and so far, only, experience with something like that. Anyway, my best writing tends to come in bursts – emotionally charged, can’t get it out of my head fast enough, just need to write it down and get it out – vs planning and taking my time. This was no different. It’s not long, but it captures the feeling.

At the time, I was nearly 21 so this was 15 years ago. I think the biggest theme here is something I’ve explored since (personally, not in fiction) which is the idea that someone can see me at my sort of “worst” – my emotional worst, that is – big feelings, insecurity, etc. and be ok with it. That they won’t abandon me or change how they feel – they will simply…deal with it and continue loving/caring about me. This person very much did that for me at the time, which is I am sure what inspired this.

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Fiction: Bedtime for an Impertinent Girl

I wrote this story in the Fall of 2023 when I was quite sick for several weeks with a bad asthma exacerbation and bronchitis. I had a lot of time to fall into my head and fantasize, daydream, think about spanking, etc. At the same time, a green sweater I found on eBay from Flynn & O’Hara, to match a black watch plaid kilt, tie, and green knee socks I’d already purchased, arrived in the mail. A complete uniform, from a school in a neighboring state. I put the whole kit on one day when I had a bit more energy, and took some photos, admired myself in the mirror, and allowed myself to fall into a fantasy about it. After the jump is the photo that inspired the story here, and the story itself. It’s only ever been shared with one other and I hadn’t re-read it nearly since I wrote it, but I’m rather fond of it. Uniform feels even further away than kink more generally right now, and has for months, so I am re-reading old personal writings in an attempt to feel that connection again. As for the title, it is a pre-bedtime story, so don’t expect pajama spanking here. There are three photos here – the original one that inspired it plus two bonus ones at the end. The story has some daddy vibes, those being some of my favorites. I hope you don’t mind.

It is M/F, semi-cons, includes uniform, line writing, and temperature taking.

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