Hurt Me (Part 1 – a Poem)

[I was able to switch out the image of the poem for the text, by using the code editor!]

I titled this “Part 1” because I expect I will write sometime in the future more on the topic of wanting someone to hurt me. In the context of this blog – a spanking fetish, some not-at-all subtle masochism, deep emotional connection – I hope you all can understand the basis for what I mean when someone like me might say to someone else, “I want you to hurt me.” This is a phrase I’ve said very sparingly and to few people, but I meant it each time. The idea of taking what someone wants to give me (within a consensual relationship and negotiated terms) is so unbelievably hot. It gets to the core of wanting to be seen, not in control – specifically giving up control to someone else. It doesn’t exist in conflict with discipline for me – sometimes it can even be part of it. Submitting even when it’s not something I want, but something that is good for me, and being worthy of it, getting to enjoy it, like it, want it – feels like discipline for me.

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(Kinky) eBay Gambles

I am something of a vintage ebony hairbrush collector. I don’t know why – we only use one of them, because it was a gift from a dear friend, but I enjoy seeing the differences between them, testing them out to see how they feel compared to my “primary” one, etc. They’re also lovely vintage pieces. What’s not to like?! They can vary in size and color because wood is a natural thing, but they are all typically heavy and dense and oh-so-perfect for a very punishing sort of spanking. My meager collection currently only stands at 4.

The problem is, vintage ebony hairbrushes are hard to find in the US and most of the UK listings that are willing to ship to the US, use eBay’s Global Shipping program. This means, there’s a central hub in the UK processing the packages and “ebony” is on a banned list. Finished ebony, especially vintage pieces, are not supposed to be caught in that, but they are. Both myself and a friend have had ebony hairbrushes caught by this and they are NOT returned to sender, but destroyed, and the buyer is refunded. This is now 4 hairbrushes (three coming to me and one for her) that have met that fate. Truly tragic and sad! I’ve had one sent to a UK friend and he’ll bring it over to me in April, but that’s not always practical and I don’t want him to feel used!

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R/L: Dear You / being exposed, feeling seen

This was written as (and shared with him first, of course) a “letter” to my husband, processing a spanking he gave me a week ago Saturday. He said he wouldn’t mind if I shared it here and I felt it fit nicely with the anecdote at the end because it’s an illustration of an example of what I am talking about. I’ve experienced a few other moments of this feeling I describe, and maybe I’ll write about them someday.

This is about being seen, not just someone physically noticing you’re there with their eyes, but seeing inside of you, to the core of who you are, your vulnerabilities, your insecurities. Being seen like this is a form of knowing someone. To me, it feels like a form of love, a way of loving (and I don’t mean romantic love).

It’s a retelling – but not in story form or even as a reporting – about an intimate, close, hot, intense, beautiful moment between my husband and I.

o0o

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