R/L: When Fantasy Meets Reality – making it work!

[I started this several months ago and am finishing it off now and posting it. I also want to say, I talk a lot about the do-ability of a spanking over a lap on a chair in this post, and I got to do a fair amount of this recently, and have to say…it actually worked quite well. Physically demanding, yes, but it worked better than I expected!]

For many of us, (us being spankos) we have a core fantasy that has been present in our minds since childhood. Sometimes it’s a recurring scenario or a specific tone, headspace, or implement. I’ve already written about my primary core fantasy, as a fiction, and a bit in general. Early on it was a very parental, disciplinary style spanking with a hand and hairbrush, though I’ve always struggled to identify the reason for the spanking. Likely because I never really did anything in my childhood that would have realistically earned something like that – I am not being coy, I was terrified of being in trouble! The best I can come up with is perhaps losing my temper or procrastination (funny enough, still relevant). Once I was older, I wrapped my head around the concept of it just being good for me, but that took a while. There are a few others – bending over a bed/couch arm/chair in jeans for the belt, a hard hand spanking at bedtime in pajamas, and more.

What I have been thinking a lot about for a while, is when those fantasies, especially those closely held and for a long time, have a chance to become reality. Can any fantasy truly become reality? Are they translatable? I think a feeling, or tone, definitely can be. The logistics can sometimes be tricky. Wanting to feel small, not in control, seen, a little embarrassed – with the right person, the right level of trust, and the opportunity, these feel very possible. Unsupported OTK on a chair for a spanking that I physically fight a bit in which I end up limp and crying? Far less likely. Can I go over a lap on a chair? Yes, and reasonably comfortably, too! Unsupported OTK of the variety that is often fantasized about with feet dangling and hands on the floor (or also dangling!) can be really hard on the upper body. I’m not 18 anymore and I am not a small person! Even for someone younger or smaller, it can be a lot on the upper body/back. With some people, it wouldn’t physically be possible with my body type, but it is doable.

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Lines as Affirmation

This is a piece I wrote to explain my headspace around line writing (in October 2023), so I’ve lightly edited it to make it “public” facing, but it’s something I think about often, since lines (and essays!) are a significant component of the real-but-not-real-life discipline I’ve done. Lines are not unheard of in the spanking community, but the person I have written lines for, has expectations for them. Expectations that make the act itself structure and discipline, not simply busy work – though they could theoretically also be used as a consequence, I don’t have experience with that (yet!). This was written after the first time I wrote some lines on my own and in a much less formal situation, but before the first time I wrote lines for real, which was pretty cool and came a few weeks later.

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R/L: Uniform, Role-play, and Stepping out of My Comfort Zone

I’ve mentioned uniforms in all three of my posts so far (and my story!), but if you have known me during my time in the scene, my previous blogging, even my video work, that would probably surprise you. It surprised me, too! Well, sort of. I think what surprised me was my willingness to say it out loud and acknowledge it. I always maintained that I wasn’t into uniforms. After all, I wasn’t into role-play, didn’t like it, and what other purpose could they serve? School girl uniforms are ubiquitous in the spanking community. You’ll see a version of them everywhere – there are hundreds of videos featuring school girl uniforms from the suggestive, to the more-or-less realistic variety (though rare is a proper, formal, regulation uniform in a spanking video or even in the immersive role play events). The tone tends suggestive – we are talking about sexy schoolgirls here. Cute school girls. Skirts can be pink or purple, shirts are probably still white, knee socks may be rainbow, and the shoes likely have a heel. Fairly consistent are the pigtails – usually ponytails but sometimes braids.

This version of a uniform, does not appeal to me. It feels like a costume and to me, a costume means pretending to be someone else, or acting. In other words, it’s role-play and I truly have never been able to wrap my head around role-play. I understand for some people it’s a powerful venture into fantasy, but I feel most comfortable playing as myself. I have plenty of fantasies, of course, but they more often have to do with tone and how I feel after a spanking, than assuming a role during a spanking. Thus, I always found it easy to say it wasn’t my thing because the only context I had, genuinely wasn’t. I didn’t quite have the language to talk about my relationship to discipline and the importance of clothing (as briefly mentioned in my previous post) to that. Could I imagine a specific outfit worn for punishment or discipline? Yes – but to me, that was usually just a simple t-shirt or pajamas, white panties; or more striking – something very formal, a conservative and modest dress perhaps – the common denominator being that it was specific and decided in advance. The formality of specific clothing being tied to discipline had always been there, I just didn’t have the vocabulary or context to talk about it.

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