An Ode to Hand Spanking

This post was inspired by Hermione’s recent Spanko Brunch post.

There is often a lot of talk about implements in the spanking scene – even I am guilty of this. Belts (straps) and hairbrushes can dominate my fantasies and can occasionally feel necessary for me to reach my desired post-spanking feeling/headspace. There is something heady about bending over and watching a partner remove their belt or fetch a strap they plan to thrash you with. Then there is the act of being over someone’s lap and knowing you won’t be able to escape from the hairbrush in their hand. Sometimes, it’s all I can think about.

Continue reading “An Ode to Hand Spanking” →

R/L: Uniform, Role-play, and Stepping out of My Comfort Zone

I’ve mentioned uniforms in all three of my posts so far (and my story!), but if you have known me during my time in the scene, my previous blogging, even my video work, that would probably surprise you. It surprised me, too! Well, sort of. I think what surprised me was my willingness to say it out loud and acknowledge it. I always maintained that I wasn’t into uniforms. After all, I wasn’t into role-play, didn’t like it, and what other purpose could they serve? School girl uniforms are ubiquitous in the spanking community. You’ll see a version of them everywhere – there are hundreds of videos featuring school girl uniforms from the suggestive, to the more-or-less realistic variety (though rare is a proper, formal, regulation uniform in a spanking video or even in the immersive role play events). The tone tends suggestive – we are talking about sexy schoolgirls here. Cute school girls. Skirts can be pink or purple, shirts are probably still white, knee socks may be rainbow, and the shoes likely have a heel. Fairly consistent are the pigtails – usually ponytails but sometimes braids.

This version of a uniform, does not appeal to me. It feels like a costume and to me, a costume means pretending to be someone else, or acting. In other words, it’s role-play and I truly have never been able to wrap my head around role-play. I understand for some people it’s a powerful venture into fantasy, but I feel most comfortable playing as myself. I have plenty of fantasies, of course, but they more often have to do with tone and how I feel after a spanking, than assuming a role during a spanking. Thus, I always found it easy to say it wasn’t my thing because the only context I had, genuinely wasn’t. I didn’t quite have the language to talk about my relationship to discipline and the importance of clothing (as briefly mentioned in my previous post) to that. Could I imagine a specific outfit worn for punishment or discipline? Yes – but to me, that was usually just a simple t-shirt or pajamas, white panties; or more striking – something very formal, a conservative and modest dress perhaps – the common denominator being that it was specific and decided in advance. The formality of specific clothing being tied to discipline had always been there, I just didn’t have the vocabulary or context to talk about it.

Continue reading “R/L: Uniform, Role-play, and Stepping out of My Comfort Zone” →

Return of the …

I have been “out” of the spanking community for the better part of five years as I went through pregnancy and being completely enveloped in the raising of a toddler into a child. Prior to my pregnancy, I thought about spanking constantly. I wanted it all the time. Pregnancy hormone shifts hit me intensely and killed my libido in every way. I had spent 10 years very active in the scene, attending local parties, national parties, munches, organizing events, even making spanking videos at one point.

After my daughter was born, I was genuinely scared it would never come back. We dabbled slowly and gently, occasionally, (my eternally patient husband, taking my lead) but I still didn’t think of it in the same way as I had before and I didn’t feel like myself. Although I don’t think of spanking as as critical as food for me, it’s as much a part of me as being short or red headed or brown eyed. It makes me feel like me in the same way other traits do. I didn’t recognize myself without it but thought I’d have to get used to this version of me. Becoming a new parent can be an identity crisis in and of itself, but thinking I was losing my kink, nearly sent me over the edge. That said, I didn’t try very hard to reach out to scene friends – in fact, I pulled back. I lost touch. I felt I no longer knew those friends in the same way because I didn’t know myself.

Continue reading “Return of the …” →