[A short announcement before we commence to my own writing – I help admin a discord server called The Woodshed Initiative and we’ve recently put together a community blog. You can check us out there and there are also instructions for joining the server (open to all!)!]

[Another oldie – I wrote this last September and am only now posting it – so it’s present tense just so I didn’t have to go change the whole post. Instead of using initials, which could be less protective, I am using the name Elephant to protect the privacy of this person. Also, it’s all past tense and none of it is current – I simply don’t have the energy or desire to rewrite the post.]

I joke with my friends when they talk about their tops and scene relationships, that I am unsupervised. This is true, in the sense of a formal kink dynamic. I don’t have someone that is my top or my disciplinarian in that sense. My husband feels adamantly (and I agree for the most part) that our relationship not be a dynamic, specifically not a discipline dynamic, because we have to do life together. Discipline is also not the most genuine manifestation of his own spanking fetish, so he’s not drawn towards it. He prefers spanking more for fun or as power exchange. I still crave discipline, though. It is, unfortunately for my reality, the most genuine expression of my own kink. I do love less formal and more casual spankings – just because, because he can, because he wants to, as an expression of affection, comfort, connection – but discipline is still up there. Would I like a formalized dynamic? Yes. It would be disingenuous to say I wouldn’t, but it’s unlikely to happen. Being play partners is great, don’t get me wrong – I am not down on that dynamic at all. It’s absolutely special and meaningful, but it’s not the same kind of commitment, although I’d argue there is commitment there. A commitment to talk and be open and honest, etc.

Continue reading “Consistency and Expectations *without* a formal dynamic…” →