Fiction: What Didn’t Happen Last Night

This was originally written (and posted on my previous blog) October 4, 2009, the day after the (now defunct) OTK Night at Paddles, in NYC (a BDSM club that had a small cafe area with booths and seating but was rather dark with few private areas). I was a regular attendee from 2007-2013ish and even organized the pre-event Munch for a year or so. I was unhappy that a friend had to leave a bit earlier that night. This was someone with whom I had a very parental disciplinary dynamic with at the time – my first and so far, only, experience with something like that. Anyway, my best writing tends to come in bursts – emotionally charged, can’t get it out of my head fast enough, just need to write it down and get it out – vs planning and taking my time. This was no different. It’s not long, but it captures the feeling.

At the time, I was nearly 21 so this was 15 years ago. I think the biggest theme here is something I’ve explored since (personally, not in fiction) which is the idea that someone can see me at my sort of “worst” – my emotional worst, that is – big feelings, insecurity, etc. and be ok with it. That they won’t abandon me or change how they feel – they will simply…deal with it and continue loving/caring about me. This person very much did that for me at the time, which is I am sure what inspired this.

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A Touch of Sadism

Although I have deactivated all my kink social media, I still have vanilla accounts for work that I can lurk a bit from, but clearly not engage from. This blog is inspired by a Bluesky thread, and this person has commented here before so with any luck, he’ll see it.

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R/L: Just Enough

Well, dearest gentle reader, I got spanked yesterday and I did not die. It feels odd to type that in a way that implies it’s not a normal thing for me to be spanked. Even at our sort of best, we are not daily or multi-times a week players. It’s just not practical between work and parenting and our heads aren’t always there. However, it had been more than a month since I had been spanked at all and for me and us, right now, that is rather a long gap. I was nervous. Probably more nervous than I had ever been before a spanking. The acuteness of my need and the distinctness of how much I did not want to be spanked, because of how far away kink feels right now and other complex feelings, was overwhelming. The type of spanking I needed is, as talked about before, at the core of my kink, but one I haven’t experienced often. Very close approximations in the past, the time last year I linked above, and also as written about, it is difficult for my husband to do. But at the end of the day, he is my husband. He is my life and nesting partner, I chose him – and he chose me – for lots of reasons. We are both worth the effort.

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