Consistency and Expectations without a formal dynamic…

[A short announcement before we commence to my own writing – I help admin a discord server called The Woodshed Initiative and we’ve recently put together a community blog. You can check us out there and there are also instructions for joining the server (open to all!)!]

[Another oldie – I wrote this last September and am only now posting it – so it’s present tense just so I didn’t have to go change the whole post. Instead of using initials, which could be less protective, I am using the name Elephant to protect the privacy of this person. Also, it’s all past tense and none of it is current – I simply don’t have the energy or desire to rewrite the post.]

I joke with my friends when they talk about their tops and scene relationships, that I am unsupervised. This is true, in the sense of a formal kink dynamic. I don’t have someone that is my top or my disciplinarian in that sense. My husband feels adamantly (and I agree for the most part) that our relationship not be a dynamic, specifically not a discipline dynamic, because we have to do life together. Discipline is also not the most genuine manifestation of his own spanking fetish, so he’s not drawn towards it. He prefers spanking more for fun or as power exchange. I still crave discipline, though. It is, unfortunately for my reality, the most genuine expression of my own kink. I do love less formal and more casual spankings – just because, because he can, because he wants to, as an expression of affection, comfort, connection – but discipline is still up there. Would I like a formalized dynamic? Yes. It would be disingenuous to say I wouldn’t, but it’s unlikely to happen. Being play partners is great, don’t get me wrong – I am not down on that dynamic at all. It’s absolutely special and meaningful, but it’s not the same kind of commitment, although I’d argue there is commitment there. A commitment to talk and be open and honest, etc.

Continue reading →

What Letting Go Feels Like

A few days ago [reader, it was not a few days ago – this blog was started in March 2025 and I have only just not dusted it off and decided to get it posted], a friend asked me – regarding this spanking – “Did you hit that physically exhausted stage where you stopped fighting?” and it really made me think. This friend and I have talked a lot about this type of spanking (it’s a want/need/fantasy we share), and being pushed beyond the point of panic/knowing the spanker won’t stop until it’s enough. But what is enough? What does enough feel like? How do you know when it’s enough? I said I don’t experience that moment as physical exhaustion personally, but I do (and did) reach a point where I submit, let go, and stop fighting both physically and mentally. If anything, I’d describe it as an emotional exhaustion but I feel like description conjures up feeling tired, which isn’t accurate for me. Physical submission is much easier and usually comes earlier. That is the point at which many stop, but for me to truly let go, for there to be a chance of tears, this is the point at which I need the spanking to continue.

Continue reading →

Leaving Las Vegas, 2025 – a Party Report – Part 1

Note: this post will have photos! both vanilla and spanking photos – so read after the jump at your own risk and ideally not in public! also, I know I have a bunch of blog comments I haven’t responded to – I do plan to, so sorry about that!

It used to be a common occurrence, back in the heyday of spanko blogging and even as far back as the usenet newsgroups, for folks attending parties (primarily Shadow Lane back then but then later also Florida Moonshine, Chicago Crimson Moon, Boardwalk Badness in AC, etc) to write “party reports” to tell the stories of the weekend, talk about play and socializing, and generally share their experiences. Some of this still takes place ad-hoc on Fetlife, but with less blogs around, there is less of this in the specific way it used to be. When I started writing this, I was tucked into the bed in my room, overlooking the pool here at the Plaza Hotel & Casino. There is a small loveseat style couch, a small dresser (truly too small, to be honest), and a desk. The room is very spacious, though the bathroom is oddly small, and the closet is part of the open sink area instead of a closed space. The toilet & tub share a room that is nearly impossible to navigate closing a door in without stepping into the tub. It’s been a nice space to spend 6 days though. Especially compared to last year – I’ll write about some of the positive memories from last year, after I post this years.

Continue reading →