Consistency and Expectations without a formal dynamic…

[A short announcement before we commence to my own writing – I help admin a discord server called The Woodshed Initiative and we’ve recently put together a community blog. You can check us out there and there are also instructions for joining the server (open to all!)!]

[Another oldie – I wrote this last September and am only now posting it – so it’s present tense just so I didn’t have to go change the whole post. Instead of using initials, which could be less protective, I am using the name Elephant to protect the privacy of this person. Also, it’s all past tense and none of it is current – I simply don’t have the energy or desire to rewrite the post.]

I joke with my friends when they talk about their tops and scene relationships, that I am unsupervised. This is true, in the sense of a formal kink dynamic. I don’t have someone that is my top or my disciplinarian in that sense. My husband feels adamantly (and I agree for the most part) that our relationship not be a dynamic, specifically not a discipline dynamic, because we have to do life together. Discipline is also not the most genuine manifestation of his own spanking fetish, so he’s not drawn towards it. He prefers spanking more for fun or as power exchange. I still crave discipline, though. It is, unfortunately for my reality, the most genuine expression of my own kink. I do love less formal and more casual spankings – just because, because he can, because he wants to, as an expression of affection, comfort, connection – but discipline is still up there. Would I like a formalized dynamic? Yes. It would be disingenuous to say I wouldn’t, but it’s unlikely to happen. Being play partners is great, don’t get me wrong – I am not down on that dynamic at all. It’s absolutely special and meaningful, but it’s not the same kind of commitment, although I’d argue there is commitment there. A commitment to talk and be open and honest, etc.

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Fiction: Lending a Hand to Disobedience (Part 1)

A long held fantasy, as a dream…

Orgasm control or having to ask permission to touch myself, and being “punished” with spanking, is a deep and long held fantasy of mine. It’s also the first non-spanko thing my husband and I connected on. We’ve had an “orange socks” rule about asking permission, just about since we met. That means, I have to ask him permission to touch myself or orgasm, but it’s not a “real” rule in that there are real-world implications for breaking it. But “breaking” it is between us, a way to set a tone and headspace for some discipline oriented play, for me to express submission and service. More intense orgasm control is definitely in my head, as well, and often comes back to my desire to please, serve, submit.

I rarely dream about these things – usually only spanking, but like I said in my last post, I have been reconciling different aspects of my kink and how they mesh (or don’t) together. The male tops/spankers in my dreams are usually, historically, unidentifiable. Not that they are anonymous or masked, but I don’t see their face in the dream, my “view” or perspective is from the side or behind, watching, so I can see myself but never the top. They’re more of an idea or concept, embodying the feeling of the scenario and blending the voices of those I have played with or talked about playing with.

I haven’t been having many spanking dreams lately, and even before, most of them were the same classic hard OTK spanking they always are, with some slight variations. I started 2025 off with a bang though, with this one. Apparently my NYE champagne was inspiring and I woke up on the first of the year having to contend with this.

This dream melds together some vague real-life scenarios (like being sent to bed & the idea of being caught touching myself which has happened…uh, a few times in RL with Daniel!) and fantasized about ones, such as a bedtime spanking that instead of being cozy, is hard because I was cheeky and earned it, thigh smacking on its own, uniform being a part of discipline, etc. It’s not about a specific person or real-life event, but it’s one of those that could happen, that I’d even like to happen, someday, even. The writing is more colloquial but I wanted it to feel more like how I did when I wrote it, like I was sharing it with a friend. But this is me, again, reconciling these different aspects of my kink with each other – how can they fit together? Will the fitting together work for me? What parts?

I hope you enjoy this sharing of my dream, as much as I enjoyed the dream itself. I woke up a bit confused, but content. Dreams have a surrealist feel to them, so I’ve embellished in parts, of course.

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On Obedience (oh, and defiance!)

I’ve talked a lot about how bratting doesn’t work for me in my spanking play but that’s not to discount playfulness. I enjoy teasing my friends and loved ones simply as a display of affection, but what it lacks is provocation. The intent is not to manipulate the person into spanking me but rather, to connect with them. If someone I trusted wanted to whack me in that context, I’d be open to it. So why do I get spanked? Because I like it! I need it. It’s good for me. I am calmer, happier, and better regulated when I am being spanked regularly. I sleep better. I think all of this is true because being spanked makes me feel seen, cared for, loved, taken care of, safe. It’s not that I need it to function – it’s just so much nicer with it in my life. Uniform gives me access to discipline and the mindset/headspace it provides. Obedience is a big part of that uniform discipline but is also ever present, since I don’t only get spanked in uniform.

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