My earliest spanking fantasies – as mentioned previously – focused on punishment and discipline dynamics. I used these terms interchangeably until recently but was usually meaning punishment. Something that I’ve been working my brain around in the last several months is the differences between the two and why I’ve struggled to identify what it was I really wanted. I should probably start with how I define these two. It’s important to note that these are only my definitions and analysis – there are as many ways of looking at how spanking fits into punishment and discipline as there are participants. These needs are person specific!
Continue reading “Punishment vs. Discipline – how do they work for me?”Tag: punishment
Return of the …
I have been “out” of the spanking community for the better part of five years as I went through pregnancy and being completely enveloped in the raising of a toddler into a child. Prior to my pregnancy, I thought about spanking constantly. I wanted it all the time. Pregnancy hormone shifts hit me intensely and killed my libido in every way. I had spent 10 years very active in the scene, attending local parties, national parties, munches, organizing events, even making spanking videos at one point.
After my daughter was born, I was genuinely scared it would never come back. We dabbled slowly and gently, occasionally, (my eternally patient husband, taking my lead) but I still didn’t think of it in the same way as I had before and I didn’t feel like myself. Although I don’t think of spanking as as critical as food for me, it’s as much a part of me as being short or red headed or brown eyed. It makes me feel like me in the same way other traits do. I didn’t recognize myself without it but thought I’d have to get used to this version of me. Becoming a new parent can be an identity crisis in and of itself, but thinking I was losing my kink, nearly sent me over the edge. That said, I didn’t try very hard to reach out to scene friends – in fact, I pulled back. I lost touch. I felt I no longer knew those friends in the same way because I didn’t know myself.
Continue reading “Return of the …”