I have my April book round up post in the works – I didn’t forget. It’s just that May has been very busy. Ever heard of the month of May being called “Maycember” for folks with kids? It’s because it’s so near the end of school that it often feels like the business of December/the holiday season. We’ve had a piano recitals, birthday parties, field trips, and lots of other goings on. I am also not being spanked so it’s pretty boring.
Kink feels so far away lately. When it’s lacking, I feel disconnected from myself and my identity, on top of my friendships. I’ve been struggling. I have, annoyingly, been having nightmares about Firefly, which is fun. Then heartbreaking dreams about Elephant. My sleep is absolutely shot between those and the other insecurities and frustrations invading my headspace. This has been a complicated year, so far. I’ve spent a lot of it sad and hurt and now spend a lot of it frustrated and angry with myself, back to square one with being unable to trust myself, my wants, my needs, anything. I haven’t attended parties, I’m barely participating in online spaces. I don’t see a point. Making myself vulnerable in this context is too risky.
Those moments when memories of that hit me (that vulnerability and exposing it were powerful and good) are painful now. I don’t really know how to heal from it and I don’t really have an outlet for even talking about it or working through it. All I can do is hope that some sort of resolution to all of this will come with time, in the absence of conversation.
It feels like one step forward, two or three back, these days.
In other news, I am going to visit Alex in July before we leave for Scotland, so I have that to look forward to, along with several front line event tickets booked for the Edinburgh International Book Festival in August and a pre-world-cup Scotland v Bolivia game.
I also added a new item to my skincare routine – I’ve started using the Dieux Skin Mercy moisturizer on both my face and my hands. It’s helping the redness on my cheeks and the eczema on my hands. Look for my April book post in a few days!
-M
I’m sorry that you are going through a rough time. I’m always available if you want to talk. 🫂
I am sorry to hear you are feeling disconnected from yourself, Marie…sending lots of hugs, my friend. I appreciate you sharing here in this space with your readers. Would love to hear more on the Dieux Skin Mercy moisturizer. I adopted the Korean skin care products you recommended awhile back and my skin has never looked better. I have redness in my cheeks, which fluctuates based on a variety of factors. Curious how long you’ve been using the product and if it is masking the redness or soothing it. Hope to hear back 😊
Hi friend! My redness also fluctuates a lot. The Skin Mercy is nice because it has colloidal oatmeal. I haven’t been using it long enough to tell if there’s a buildable difference, but I think it is genuinely soothing redness in the moment. More importantly, the eczema I get on my hands (along the edge of my index finger, thumb, and on my knuckles) is pretty immediately soothed by it. It’s also not heavy so it absorbs quickly. I’ve used it after both my Cicapair serum and the propolis ampoule. I also felt the price ($38) was pretty reasonable for a higher end skincare item with an actual active ingredient in it. They also say it’s good to use if you use other skincare with active ingredients like retinol, vitamin c, etc. They claim it delivers less reactive skin over time, so I will be eager to see if that’s true. Folks on TikTok definitely seem to say it is and the reviews and information directly from Dieux were enough to make me want to try it.
Thank you VERY much for this information, Marie! I don’t think I’ve ever tried colloidal oatmeal so I am going to give it a shot. I appreciate you sharing what works for you. In a world where we are inundated with influencers who are paid to promote products, it is incredibly helpful to hear about these kinds of experiences from real people just trying to get results. I appreciate you! 😘